The Wise Words of Greg
by BabyAlyx96
Summary: Just a few drabbles based around a few quotes I had lying around. Greg enters more than once to reveal his wise words of the day, all which make the CSI team go, "What is he on?" (Rating is just a precaution.)
1. Who Would Have Thunk

A/N: As I've decided there's need to be more stories involving Greg, I'm putting this up. It's just little vignettes I thought up after reading a few quotes I wrote down somewhere. Hope you enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: Some of its mine and some of it isn't. If you recognize it, it's not mine. And, as always, none of the characters belong to me as they belong to Mr. Jerry B and uh... the creator.

* * *

First Day  
  
"I'd like you all to meet the new lab tech, Gregory Sanders." Spoke Gil Grissom to the crowd in the break room. They all looked at they young man, fresh from university, and wondered what he was like.  
"Sanders?" Nick Stokes chuckled. "You related to the Colonel or something?" Then, under his breath, he added, "What a dumb name."  
"Don't insult the name. It may be a dumb name, but its my dumb name."

* * *

Case files  
  
"Catherine, you've got a D.B. down on 104th street." Grissom passed her the information.  
"88 years old? I don't think this was a murder..."  
"Well, whether it is or not, its your case."  
"And a 23 year old wife?" Catherine made a face as Greg walked in.  
"Live long and prosper, then die old and leave your gold-digging wife out of the will."  
"How do you come up with this stuff?"

* * *

Coffee  
  
Nick, Sara and Warrick were lounging around in the break room, waiting for a case to be assigned. While all were utterly bored, Greg entered and headed over to the coffeemaker to find his freshly made, Blue Hawaiian coffee gone.  
"I'd just like to assure everyone that, yes, life still isn't fair."  
"Thanks for the memo, man. And the coffee."

* * *

Hand Puppet  
  
"Hand puppets?" Nick looked at Warrick in disbelief. "He killed people because his hand puppets told him to?" Greg, who was wandering past, stopped.  
"What?" Warrick just nodded.  
"It's true."  
"I'm not insane, and my hand puppet agrees with me." With that, he continued on his way.

* * *

Huh?  
  
"If I were to laugh uproariously right now, would it detract from the moment?" They all turned to look at Greg. "What? It is pretty ironic."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Well... some guy trains his whole to become such an awesome whale trainer, and then gets eaten by one. How many times do you hear a story like that?"

* * *

Love at First Sight  
  
"What do you think about love at first sight, Sara?" There was a small pause as she thought of an answer.  
"Not only is it shallow, but quite stupid. What about you, Greg?"  
"This is gonna be good," muttered Warrick.  
"Love at first sight is wonderful... unless you're blind. Then it's love at first sound, I suppose, unless you're deaf, too."  
"Told ya."

* * *

Socks  
  
"Greg, I need you to-"Grissom stopped as he saw Greg. "What is that on your head?"  
"A sock." was the simple reply.  
"Get that sock off your head." Greg turned to face Grissom and placed a hand on his hip.  
"Never!"

* * *

Bees  
  
"What is he singing?" asked Sara as her, Nick, Warrick, and Catherine stood outside the lab, watching Greg sit at his desk, singing.  
"I have no idea, but it's freaking me out," Warrick replied.  
"Is he dissecting a... bee?" They all tried to look closer at Greg's desk. "He seems to have stopped..."  
"Happy little bee goes bzz, bzz, bz." The group glared at Catherine.  
"Or not."  
"He is one sick man." 


	2. Reminds Me of Cheese

**Authors Notes: Some more little things. Some of these are a bit longer than before, and hopefully all arejust as funny. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I do try and read it over, but sometimes things get passed over. Hope you enjoy, and please review.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Mr. Jerry B, and Mr. Anthony Z. own all characters and the shows writers own the scripts. No money is being made of this. Only my ideas are mine and are not used with the idea of harming/offending anyone.**

**Rating: I'm going to say... PG.**

* * *

It was this day that Greg had finally become the blonde he continuously coloured his head. So far he had dropped two empty test tubes, bumped into four people, ran into one of the glass walls, and hit himself in the head with his locker door.

Currently, he was cleaning up the coffee and pot he'd dropped on the lounge floor, Nick watching, amused.

"Say it," muttered Greg.

"Everyone has a maximum allowable number of stupid moments. I'd say you surpassed yours quite some time ago."

* * *

The group sat at a diner, eating their last breakfast together. Even Greg had been invited for the special occasion.

"I still can't believe Ecklie," muttered Sara, angrily.

"Karl Marx built the train tracks; Lenin built the locomotive; Staline drove the locomotive off the tracks," Greg said absentmindly, taking another bite of his panacakes.

"What?" questioned Nick.

Grissom jumped in before Greg got the chance to. "I put the team together; you guys built it stronger and more compatible; Ecklie destroyed it."

"Exactly."

* * *

"In essence, it's like your all a bunch of walking, talking, living, breathing, stinking, diseased ridden batteries!"screamed the murderer as he was dragged away from Warrick and Greg to the holding cell.

"Matrix freak…"Warrick glanced at Greg, confused.

"What?"

"That's from a Matrix style soda commercial."

"Maybe you're the Matrix freak."

"Am not. Shut up."

"Greg," began Catherine as she strode into the DNA lab. "You got my results?"

"I'm like a superhero without powers or motivation."

"That sounds like a 'no'." Greg rolled his eyes and handed over a sheet of paper.

"Ye of little faith."

"Ye of little power."

* * *

Grissom paused in the dooryway of the lounge upon seeing the group sitting in front of a standing Greg. Clearing his throat, he entered.

"Hey Gris!" called Greg. "You're just in time for my skit!" Grissom raised an eyebrow.

"You can dash," Greg dashed. "saunter," He sauntered. "stride," He strode. "or swagger." And he swaggered.

"You can sweep," He pretended to sweep the floor. "hop," He hopped. "and slip." Slip he did.

"Or, if you prefer, try skipping," The group watched him skip around the couch. "mincing," Daintly, he minced. "or run." And he ran out of the room.

There was silence as the group tried to process what had just happened.

* * *

"What is that?" Sara looked warily into the lounge fridge. A bowl of unidentified materials sat there, jiggling.

"Experiment?" She glanced at nick, and upon seeing his calm expression, knew something was up. He hated experiments in the fridge.

"Okay, what's going on?" He merely shrugged as Greg came rushing in.

"Sara…" She raised an eyebrow. "Beware the pudding." And then he was gone. Silence followed, as did Grissom.

"Step away from the fridge, Sara." Slowly, she stood moved towards Nick.

"What's going on?"

"Greg decided to make a chemical pudding." Nick and Sara stared. "It turned toxic."

"He's the science guy. Wouldn't he have known what combination would be toxic?"

"Of course. But Hodges didn't, and put it in the fridge, which caused the chemicals to eact with each other. HAZMAT should be here shortly."

* * *

"Hem, hem." Catherine didn't even blink at the annoying noise coming from the door.

"Hem, hem." This time she rolled her eyes before continuing to look over the evidence.

"Hem, hem."

"Just because you've become obsessed with Harry Potter doesn't mean…" She glancedup to find Greg frantically jumping up and down, hands around his neck, choking. 'Hem, hem' was all he'd been able to get out.

* * *

"Do you have no morals? Or rules?" Greg glared at Hodges. He couldn't believe that the man would have the nerve to interrupt a CSI meting just to insult Greg.

"In fact, I do." Hodges snorted in disbelief. "Never trust anyone who has nicer clothing than you."

"Which would be everybody." Greg ignored the comment.

"Keep your lies consistent; Don't sleep with your boss' relatives." Hodges made a face. "Always sleep with your boss." Hodges face became more sickened, and Greg could hear the CSI's snickers from behind him. "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."

"Tell me about it."

"Never offer a confession when a bribe will do; If no one can prove it, it never happened."

"Unless your on the job."

"Honour is always negotiable."

"Those are your 'rules'?" asked Hodges.

"I'm sorry, I was reminding you of yours. Now go do some work."

**

* * *

Thank Yous**

**Varda's Servant:** Glad you liked.

**K. Lizzy A:** Best thing? ::blushes:: I'm flattered even if I know that's a lie. Hee.

**deathchamberX17:** I thought so.

**Sally the Angry Pirate:** Not all were written by me. A few I snagged from msn and email siggys. However, the bee one? Wrote that on my binder in Gr. 9 social. Hee. thanks so very much, and you're not a sucker, but would you like one?

**dancingdreams:** Thanks. The "Wise Words: is very detable.

**Dots:** Thanks.

**MEE:** I'm glad. Just don't break anything.

**Heart Shaped Coffin:** I'm glad I could make you laugh. And sometimes he's immature, sometimes he's not. This would be about the former him, hee. (Btw, I like your name)

**TickledPink:** Yup, you did. hee. I'm glad you liked. And he does, doesn't he?

**smAshley8806:** Very happy they make you laugh. That was the point. Hee. Thanks. A lot. I really appreciate it.


	3. Ow, I Think I Pulled My Pelvis

**Authors Notes: I felt kind of bad that I hadn't updated in a long time (although I'm sure more than a few could care less) so I decided to make a few more of these. Hopefully you enjoy somewhat. I'm not too happy with all of them, but oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. CBS, Mr. Jerry B, and Mr. Anthony Z. own all characters and the shows writers own the scripts. No money is being made of this. Only my ideas are mine and are not used with the idea of harming/offending anyone. Some quotes are from Buffy, so they belong Joss Whedon and the writers of that show. If you recognize a quote from somewhere else, it still doesn't belong to me.**

**Rating: I'll stick to PG since there's some references to violence.**

**:Warning: Mild Catherine and Sofia bashing. Only mild, but if you like those characters and will be offended by a teensy weensy joke at their expense, then don't read!**

* * *

"Parental troubles?" questioned Greg as he sidled up to Catherine, who was currently watching Lindsay stalk off.

"I try to be a good mother, but, it's… I admit that I haven't exactly made the best parental choices, but…"

"I'm pretty sure that a turnip could have made better parental choices," he responded without thinking, earning himself a smack.

* * *

It had been a dull evening at the Las Vegas Crime Lab, leaving the occupants to putter about. Nick and Warrick were currently neck and neck in some video game, while Greg looked around, pencil tapping against an open notebook. 

"Aha!" he cried, startling Nick into falling over and allowing Warrick to win. "Today's inspirational object!"

The two men looked at Greg, more than slightly confused.

"Why do farmers get to be the Grim Reaper with their long, knifey things?" Grissom and Sara paused before looking over at Greg. The three were currently standing in the middle of a forest with a dead body tied to a tree in the position of a scarecrow.

"A farmer?"

"Yeah," Greg nodded, picking up the long knife in question after photographing it. "I wanna be a Grim Reaper. You meet a lot of people that way."

* * *

With one eyebrow raised, Nick entered the fingerprint lab after seeing Jacqui and Archie trying to smother their laughter. 

"What's going on?" Jacqui pointed across the hall towards the DNA lab where Greg was working. He didn't notice anything funny, and was about to ask them again when Greg got up. Taped to the back of his lab coat was a sign which proclaimed, "Glomp Me!"

* * *

Sara rolled her eyes at the pouting Greg who was positioned across the evidence table from her. 

"Greg…"

"You're evil."

"You say evil… I say morally challenged."

"You should start a club with Hodges."

* * *

"It's not my fault I tripped over Hodges foot and got my tie stuck in the Mass Spec." Warrick snorted. 

"Still, they're all laughing at you." Greg finished glaring at Warrick to look at Sara.

"You sure they aren't laughing with me?"

"Yes."

* * *

Both the night and swing shift had managed to get free for an hour in order to have breakfast together. 

"Too bad Sofia had to go drop her niece off at school."

"Yes," began Sara. "Too bad."

"Are you sure you're not mad, Greg?" questioned Nick, since it had in face been his foot Greg had tripped over, not Hodges.

"Well, you'll never know until you read my memoirs."

* * *

"You know," remarked Grissom. "Warrick, Nick, and Catherine don't really seem to like Sofia, do they?" 

"Maybe because they met her?" Grissom and Sara looked at Greg in shock. "Did I say that?"

"I thought you liked Sofia." Greg shrugged.

* * *

Jacqui entered the break room to find Greg treating some prong like stab wounds in his arm. 

"What happened?"

"I didn't pay attention." She sat down to help him clean the cuts.

"To somebody with a big fork?" He rolled his eyes.

"He's coming."

"The fork guy?" Jacqui questioned.

"No, Doc Robbins. He said he'd look at it."

* * *

"God, everyday here is the same," muttered Sara, shading her eyes from the sun. 

"Bright, sunny, beautiful; However can we escape this torment?"

"Shut up, Greg. I thought you'd understand."

"Because I grew up in California?" Sara nodded. "I lived long enough in New York to realise that I hate snow."


End file.
